According to Jake

The Story According to Jake ...in a way:

Iehron pushed open the door to the Crusty Hag tavern, and they found themselves in a world of cutthroats, thieves, and bad hygiene. Of all the senses offended by the new environment, smell was hit particularly hard. Iehron figured a dead body could be in the room and no one would smell it. Then he started to wonder if maybe a dead body was the source of the smell to begin with. Several people were passed out at tables – either too drunk to stay awake or knocked out by someone who stole their gold – maybe one of them was a corpse.

When the stench stopped causing his eyes to water, Iehron saw his short acquaintance at a table in the corner. She was sitting in a booster seat to properly reach the table. He walked over, but Lumberjack and Trailblazer stayed at the bar.

"Hello, Bobette."

The sound of her name mentioned turned her head so she could see the source. Upon seeing Iehron, she frowned deeply.

"You? What do you want?" grumbled Bobette. She took a drink from her mug.

"I should want revenge against you ," said Iehron. He sat down at the table. "But I'd rather you answer my questions. Why are you here? You must know this town is run by Harry. And I'm sure you know Harry is an Ohtar."

"I'm not working for Harry if that's what you're thinking. Of all living Ohtars, Harry is hated the most by dwarves. After my team was shout full of arrows, I decided to make Harry my target. I'm here to find a way to kill him."

"So am I. Maybe we can help each other."

Bobette laughed mockingly. "You're an Ohtar. I may hate Harry more, but I still hate you."

"I wasn't there the day Ohtars nearly made Dwarves extinct," said Iehron. "I wasn't born yet. And neither were you. Get over it and focus on the here and now. I can stop Harry if you help me."

As those words left his mouth, Iehron started to wonder if he in fact could defeat Harry. Lumberjack had put the idea in his head, but when he considered his chances for victory, they were exceedingly small. Both of them were Ohtars, but Harry had many more years of training and experience, and his magical skills included the dark arts. He also had a magically enhanced body. That probably granted some sort of combat advantage.

All of these thoughts started to worry Iehron. He soon forgot who he was talking to, and he began thinking of ways he might get out of the whole "take down Harry" obligation.

Bobette interrupted his ponderings. "I'll consider it."

"What?" said Iehron. His focus returned, and he realized he was still in a conversation.

"I'll consider helping you," said Bobette. "Meet me here this time tomorrow."

She jumped down from her booster seat and exited the tavern. On the way out, a man called her a "funny little thing." She responded by kneecapping him with her hammer without braking stride for the door.

Iehron was about to leave also, but a mysterious man with a hood covering his face sat down mysteriously as though invited but remained mysteriously quiet.

"Uh, can I help you?" asked Iehron.

He didn't know if the man was an assassin sent to kill him, the tavern bouncer, or maybe someone selling imitation Tolex pocket watches. Don't be fooled by imitations. Tolex watches are hand built by the most skilled of craftsman gnomes pressed into service by the evil time wizard, Tolex. Tolex pocket watches – Guaranteed perfect time keeping or a gnome gets flogged. Get yours today!

The man spoke up. "I can help you. Your feeble Ohtar powers aren't enough to stop Harry. You need allies."

"Why do you oppose Harry?" asked Iehron.

"He killed my dog," the stranger said coldly.

"...uh?" Of the various reasons Iehron would have guessed, that was not on the list.

"I liked my dog."

"Okay... Well, how can you help? Are you good in a fight?"

"I am a master of throwing weapons, particularly forks."

"Forks?"

"Yes, it proves my skill. Throwing a fork with accuracy and deadliness is difficult to perform."

"The same could be said of throwing table lamps. That doesn't mean it's a skill worth developing."

The man calmly stood from his seat. Then, in a flash, he snatched a fork from the table, propelled it across the room into a chicken leg a patron was chewing on, and pinned the leg to the wall.

"Find me a man who is skilled at throwing table lamps, and I'll beat him with a fork," the man replied as he sat back down.

"Stop messing with my chicken!" was shouted from the other end of the tavern.

The man's display of skill was impressive, but Iehron was confused how that proved using forks was better than actual throwing weapons such as knives, shuriken, javelins, spears, bolas, batterangs, grenades, or even rocks. If he had been skilled at throwing bears traps, that would have been an amazing ability.

Iehron then remembered how he concluded a fight with Harry would reduce him to paste and decided having more allies would be a good thing.

"An enemy of Harry is a friend of mine," said Iehron."What's your name?"

"It's Halo." said the man.

"Hello Halo." Iehron smiled in self-amusement. "Hey, that's fun to say. Hello Halo. Hello Halo."

Halo wasn't smiling.

"Sorry, I'll stop that," said Iehron.

"We'll hit Harry's castle tonight."

"Isn't that a little ambitious?"

"It's purely for recon. To get to Harry, we need to get past his defenses. Tonight will be easy. I'm good at this sort of thing."

"Like you are with throwing forks?"

"Precisely."

Halo rose to leave but first said, "As this is Harry's city, the shops here have some interesting items. If you have nothing to do till tonight, do some shopping. You might find something useful. But come midnight, meet me at the corner of the castle's south and east walls."

When Halo was gone, Iehron signaled Lumberjack and Trailblazer to join him, and he explained all that happened.

"You're going to trust this strange fork thrower?" asked Lumberjack.

"Sure, why not?" said Iehron. "I trust an archer who uses an ax. Besides, he somehow knows I'm against Harry. If he wanted to harm me, it wouldn't have taken more than a breath here inside Harry's city."

"He could still be working some sort of angle," said Trailblazer."

"And maybe he is," said Iehron. "But unless you can figure out what it is, we need the help."

Iehron realized the smell wasn't bothering him so much any more and took that as a sign he should leave the tavern. His nose might have suffered permanent damage.

Deciding to take the advice of the strange person he had only just met, Iehron perused the local shops. As he was a male, it took a very short amount of time, and he didn't see much that interested him. At then he found his way to a smith. Like a child he stared at all the things he wanted while a silly grin covered his face.

"What are you looking for?" asked the smith.

"Something that will make my enemies weep in sorrow," said Iehron.

"In that case, I have several excellent swords which-"

Iehron cut him off. "Ooh! I like that sword!"

He pointed to a sword in a barrel labeled "Bargain Prices". The blade of the sword appeared to have a red stripe down its middle, but the stripe was in reality a compact row of runic markings.

"The red stripy thing makes it look fancy," Iehron continued. "How much is it?"

"100 Gold," said the smith.

"That's all?"

"That's all. But I should warn you. The sword has an unknown magic to it. It could be good magic like the kind that makes you stronger or sends out bolts of lightning to strike down your enemies. Or it could have bad magic like the kind that turns you into a seven year old or sucks away your life energy to continually stay shiny. Regardless, only a fool would dare to use equipment with unknown magic in it."

"I'll take it," said Iehron. He didn't like being called a fool, but he already had armor with unknown magic. Adding a sword with unknown magic couldn't make things too much worse, right? Plus, it was a very inexpensive price for a well made sword. And he liked the red stripy thing.